(With acknowledgments to Ambrose Bierce and his Devil’s Dictionary)

  • America: “When you’re a star they let you do it, you can do anything.”
  • Believe me: Subliminal command
  • Chaos: The old Razzle-dazzle. Octopus ink for the suckers.
  • Democracy: This time it’s personal
  • Everybody: Fuck them.
  • Fuck: Everybody.
  • God: A really terrific guy, one of my earliest supporters.
  • Hell: Accountability; see also – listening.
  • Investment: Lower-class whites.
  • Justice: When I win, see also, when you lose.
  • Kinky: No peeing
  • Law: Like justice, but it’s now a rule that I win.
  • Marriage: Like ventriloquism, but you don’t have to move your hand.
  • Nullify: Obama
  • Obama: Trump brand Dog whistle. How I got here.
  • Putin: Pappa?
  • Qualified: Loyal.
  • Republicans: Pussies: I grabbed ’em.
  • Seizing: Emergency powers.
  • Taxes: For chumps, not Trumps.
  • Ubermensch: The one word daddy smiled while saying.
  • Very: A tiny amount, possibly none.
  • Women: A confusing commodity, overvalued; many contain disgusting liquids.
  • Xenophobe: The heart of American greatness.
  • Yes: Where boredom begins.
  • Zigzag: The straightest path between two points.