In the morning before dawn, I know west is the direction of my feet. Soon it will be the direction where I don’t see the sun but the sun sees me, finger pointed at my back, never takes a break.I smell water everywhere but it’s useless, molecules under pebbles, if I could lift a square acre and tilt it toward a drinking glass would a teaspoon be a good guess? Or less? Too challenging for an ant to slake his thirst. What is smaller than an ant and needs water? I forget again. Remember yesterday? I panicked and tried to hide from the sun, and finding nothing to get in or behind, tried to run, a scarecrow late for work. Blisters down there somewhere still talking about it, I miss grass.Bad dad in back of my head reminds me today might be it, possibly tomorrow, definitely not much more than that. “I know, shut up” I say and all the little water molecules that were close enough to hear, quiver uncomfortably “don’t worry” I say gently”you’re safe from me, you little fuckers.” The horror in the east clears his throat with the first noticeable light. “I’m going” I tell something, and rise up to the person position, my body feels like a bunch of badly tied strings, the knots are getting looser every day.
It must be mid-day, I haven’t thought of anything for hours, I guess, I’ve been hiding out in my brain where it’s shady, sleeping in the big chair. I look around, worried I drifted off course and can’t tell one way or the other, the sun is high enough to keep that secret for now. I wonder if anyone misses me, I hope so! “Resume walking please” says bad Dad, showing an interest. and mule me resumes walking, docile loyal thing. he’s really well behaved.
I blink. Pink. Orange and pink. That gully is having fun, I think but I’m sure it’s just making stuff up, or daydreaming maybe. what a crazy idea to put flowers out here. A joke? A gift? Imagine the costs! We lurch into motion “Hey where are we going?” I ask aloud. Mule me is walking, but off course, and with an energy I haven’t seen for days. “What is it man?” I ask and something closer to a run is the answer. I’m jostling up and down so fucking much I blank out for a moment. Flower gully is where we are headed I guess and I feel indulgent. I smile gently but my lips hurt so bad I stop. I would like to lie down in some flowers, that would be good. Someone left a big old mirror out here in the flowers, glowing silver. People are weird, I think. Thump, thump, thump “Jesus, slow down” I say.. to …who was it? It’s really pretty, that mirror flower thing, and bigger than I thought, I kind of love it and tears leak in my eyes. I can’t see, except for color, everything is watercolor and blurry, watercolor , water color I think. Wait…
SPLASH! What the fuck happened? I’m lying down and I’m wet. Why am I wet? Wait? Wet? Mule me shoves our head under water and I’m drinking and drinking. Jesus that’s good! How do they make this so good? It tastes like copper and stone. How do they keep it cold? It’s bright as glass but soft and friendly. I’m sitting up in the little spring, starting to remember things, maybe 80% smarter than 2 minutes ago. I’m laughing like an idiot, like me and the water are old friends who break each other up, and I can’t believe it’s him after all these years. I’ve never felt such gratitude in my life, it’s bigger than I can hold and bigger than I can let go of. It’s pouring out like a spring. Still laughing. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’m saying and i’m not even sure how to stop.