Funny
I’m not promising anything, but God knows I try.
Not impressed with bible camp.
Captures the spirit of the season I think. Valentines day is kind of like if we had a holiday called “How are those life goals coming along, smart guy?”
Cards copyright Jim Benton
Engrish provides a torrent of absurdity that almost always makes me giggle. Sorry for a couple of duplicates, I have to weed them out.
This video uses the “tilt-shift” effect to make the result feel like a miniature world. The essence of the effect is both foreground and background being slightly out of focus.
Hi, and first of all, I’m incredibly sorry.
1. I knew I had to leave by 2 pm to get here but my sandwich burned and I didn’t notice until the apartment was full of smoke. I couldn’t leave it for my roommates like that so I had to open all the windows and flap a beach towel everywhere to make it a little better. Anyway, thank you for understanding.
2. As a program note, I did see that this was to be a talk with a slide presentation but somehow I missed the thing about being in PowerPoint so a slight format change will require me to hook up my slide projector. It should only take a couple of minutes and maybe one or two of you could help me move the computer cart to a safe place and find like a table or desk that’s the right height for my projector?
3. I’m sure you can relate, I mean I’m only human, but last week, which I admit would have been the ideal time to be working on this, it was like every time I sat down to get started I’d get just crazy sleepy, like can’t-keep-my-head-upright, sleepy. It was insane, then as it got closer to this week I found myself kind of having trouble thinking about it, and every time I’d try I’d get this sort of anxiety stomach ache. I did manage to get some stuff done though like pick up my bedroom and throw away the old stuff in the fridge. It’s kind of a good feeling. Then the night before last my friend had this thing he wanted me to go to so that only left me last night to pull all of this together.
4. In that light, I think it holds up pretty well. Although full disclosure, I thought the book we had to talk about was kind of up to us so I picked “Cujo”, by the writer Steven King because I read it last Summer. I’m sorry I didn’t do “Of Mice and Men” but at least this is an animal-and-people story too!
5. If I may just say so, turning web pictures into projector slides is just insanely expensive, especially a rush job. Like you would not believe how much these cost my friend. So my first slide is these awesome St. Bernard puppies. Can you even believe how cute they are? And look how big the mom is in comparison! Actually these were the ones that showed up first in image search and there were a ton of this same bunch of puppies doing different stuff although it’s not super obvious that it’s different, because the background doesn’t change.
6. So I think the book Cujo by the writer Steven King is really good and exciting. Question 1 says to talk about the conflict at the heart of the story so I guess the conflict is between this huge killer dog and the people.
7. Question 2 asks me to describe underlying issues that shape the story and I guess that would be like, rabies because everything would have been OK without the rabies.
- LinkedIn feels like a pyramid scheme that lacks ambition.
- I just slept 4 hours and must teach 4.5 hours today. There’s got to be a miserable little story problem in there somewhere.
- “Simplistic” doesn’t mean simple. “Over exaggerate” is redundant. Stop it.
- It turns out people who hate government make it worse when they participate.
- In the near future, every combination of English words will become an ironic catchphrase.
- Enjoy being slightly bad from time to time or your goodness will get all dusty and wrinkled.
- The three stages of grief getting into cold water: 1. Ankles 2. Genitals 3. Shoulders.
- “Doing good” never rises above undoing a “bad”. Every “good guy” in every story returns the situation to neutral; normal is good.
- When social justice people overshoot the balanced restoration of good, their polarity shifts, and their work becomes a bad to be undone.
- What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? (stolen, I just love it.)
- Crappy days average five hours longer.
- Conservatism wants to stop time & change at the perfect moment. The range from moderate to reactionary is measured by how long ago they position the golden age.
- Greet each new day as if it were your last, filled with tearful remorse.
- “Forgotten were the elementary rules of logic, that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence and that what can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence.” — Christopher Hitchens
- I’ve begun making artisanal ice in my own freezer using free-range water I collect by hand with a silver thimble. A quick stir with a sprig of lemon thyme and voila! Prices upon request.
- The “normal” economy is disappearing fast. It’s time to make decisions about how much we value people when they are out of work and there isn’t a goddamn thing for them to do.
- Ayn Rand fiction is “Twilight” set in a childish political framework.
- Put the Christ back in “Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I’m related to you!”
- I hate it when introspective thoughts talk smack about me.
- If a business becomes so wealthy and powerful that it can influence the direction of government, it is no longer a part of the “Free Market”.
- Why can’t we just redefine our government’s relation to health care as a Costco style buying club? It isn’t socialism, it’s organized consumerism. But if it lowers corporate profits it’s communism.
- With great power also come great opportunities for dating.
