I’m not promising anything, but God knows I try.

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”

Dear prospective life partner,

Please describe “your worst” so I have a clear picture of the challenges it presents. Please include some representative behaviors, their duration and how frequently this situation is likely to arise. I’m also going to need a detailed breakdown of the term “handle” to determine my aptitude for the task or tasks required. Lastly, please include a description of you at your best, along with its duration and frequency relative to your worst, to determine my own risk/reward situation.

If your best and worst are equal in frequency, duration, and effect that represents a neutral break-even point of no profit to me as your handler. In that event, you will find better results searching among candidates with experience and interest in codependency.





The snollygosters won, leading to a kakistocracy, which set off the grumbletonians.



How about them Moose goosers, Ain’t they recluse?
Up in them boondocks, goosin’ them moose
Goosin’ them huge moose, goosin’ them tiny,
Goosin’ them meadow moose in they hiney!
Look at them Moose goosers, Ain’t they dumb?
Some use an umbrella, some use a thumb.
Them obtuse Moose goosers, sneakin’ through the woods,
pokin’ them snoozey moose in they goods,
How to be a Moose gooser? It’ll turn you puce;
Gitcher gooser loose, and rouse a drowsy moose!

-Mason Williams