Hugh Miller

The most intractable problems of this jittery moment come from the human sweet-tooth for conflict and excitement.  The sweet-tooth is natural, it is good or bad by context.  If you are an ancient human and opt to look at the exciting thing, you are better at staying alive. If you are an ancient human and your clan starts getting pumped up over increasing tension with another clan, you are your clan are more cohesive and motivated. In this context the “sweet tooth” is a healthy (pro-survival) relationship to your environment. It’s a bit like our love of actual sugar, fat and salt: That love becomes destructive when these go from rare, random windfalls to a superabundance. When we can have as much of something as we like, we keep mashing the button till we find out how that ruins us. Morbid obesity is what THAT button does. What does this other one do?

Our hunger for excitement and conflict became more complicated when our “news” input went from direct observation and word of mouth to massive information pumps like newspapers that could flood a large city in a day with a single message and point of view. Thousands of opinions could be massaged and tweaked at once. “Yellow journalism” was the click-bait of that time.  The radio hit people like a massively purified version of the newspaper drug. Music and voices could hit sweet spots in our monkey guts that letters on paper could only dream about and rather than the isolated one-at-a-time experience of newspapers, radio could flow like a connecting current though everyone in earshot. And everyone was within earshot. Then the television became a cultural charging station in the center of every home. At night we were quietly filled with a homogeneous informational snapshot of the day. Of course we felt more united, any axes we were grinding were not wirelessly communicating with all the other axes. You couldn’t make that world combust because there was no connecting medium of petrol fumes.

The issue now is that we are a different organism as flashing, participating virtual neurons on a network then we were as slow-moving, disconnected creatures who got the news from kids on bikes, or in the mail, god help us, or arriving on the TV like a friendly little train at the same time every day.

The organism we are now is constantly lit up, alert and watching for movement like meerkats on crack. The news equivalent of plasma waves erupting from the sun flare and sweep endlessly across the internet. Our new atmosphere is a highly combustible, volatile medium. The ignition behind these flare-ups is mostly outrage, as one group or another does a “football stadium wave” of alarm in response to some stimulus. Tsunamis of cortisol are washing over us 24/7, leaving us feeling hypervigilant and weary.

Why? Because we are idiots who like that sort of thing. We can’t help being idiots who like that sort of thing…BECAUSE WE LIKE THAT SORT OF THING. Part of the rush is certainly negative but part of it is the fun of holding hands with like-minded neurons and cascading as a gigantic wave across the world. It’s thrilling because we are playing with a new level of complexity and connection.

We are a new species variant of humans and we are figuring out what this human is, what it does and what it can do.
And because we are the only animal enemy we have left, we are looking for its weaknesses;  feeling around for its windpipe, thumbs and eyes.

The danger from this all-out competition for eyeballs and clicks is low except where real territorial stuff is on the line.  There, virality means masses of people losing control of themselves and losing all sense of proportion. You know, like angry mobs.

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“My good friend Dr. Seuss wrote a book a few years ago titled “Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!” He sent me a copy the other day and crossed out “Marvin K. Mooney” and replaced it with “Richard M. Nixon.” It sounded like fun so I asked him if I could reprint it. Please read it aloud.” —Art Buchwald, Tuesday, July 30, 1974

Here’s a timely update…

Donald J. Trump will you please go now!

“The time has come.
The time has come.
The time is now.
Just go.
Go.
Go!
I don’t care how.
You can go by foot.
You can go by cow.
Donald J. Trump will you please go now!
You can go on skates.
You can go on skis.
You can go in a hat.
But
Please go.
Please!
I don’t care.
You can go
By bike.
You can go
On a Zike-Bike
If you like.
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(With acknowledgments to Ambrose Bierce and his Devil’s Dictionary)

  • America: “When you’re a star they let you do it, you can do anything.”
  • Believe me: Subliminal command
  • Chaos: The old Razzle-dazzle. Octopus ink for the suckers.
  • Democracy: This time it’s personal
  • Everybody: Fuck them.
  • Fuck: Everybody.
  • God: A really terrific guy, one of my earliest supporters.
  • Hell: Accountability; see also – listening.
  • Investment: Lower-class whites.
  • Justice: When I win, see also, when you lose.
  • Kinky: No peeing
  • Law: Like justice, but it’s now a rule that I win.
  • Marriage: Like ventriloquism, but you don’t have to move your hand.
  • Nullify: Obama
  • Obama: Trump brand Dog whistle. How I got here.
  • Putin: Pappa?
  • Qualified: Loyal.
  • Republicans: Pussies: I grabbed ’em.
  • Seizing: Emergency powers.
  • Taxes: For chumps, not Trumps.
  • Ubermensch: The one word daddy smiled while saying.
  • Very: A tiny amount, possibly none.
  • Women: A confusing commodity, overvalued; many contain disgusting liquids.
  • Xenophobe: The heart of American greatness.
  • Yes: Where boredom begins.
  • Zigzag: The straightest path between two points.
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Gary Snyder

How intelligent he looks!
on his back
both feet caught in my one hand
his glance set sideways,
on a giant poster of Geronimo
with a Sharp’s repeating rifle by his knee.

I open, wipe, he doesn’t even notice
nor do I.
Baby legs and knees
toes like little peas
little wrinkles, good-to-eat,
eyes bright, shiny ears
chest swelling drawing air,

No trouble, friend,
you and me and Geronimo
are men.

 

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